I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
