Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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