Your dad touched me again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
