Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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