Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would fuck him just for his dog
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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