Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize