if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
