I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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