chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
