don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
