i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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