im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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