I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
