by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
