Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
