I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't put those talents on a resume
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
