Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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