he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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