dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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