She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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