nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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