I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
