You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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