Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
