i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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