I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
