was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
