he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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