We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
