There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
