While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
