Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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