Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
