If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
