I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
