so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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