Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
