I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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