i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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