woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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