ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
