Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
