Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
