Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
