Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
