are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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