guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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