I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
