I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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