you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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