Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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