Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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