Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
