She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
