College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
