we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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