Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
