he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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