One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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