oh god the rape fog is back!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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