Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
