we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
