She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
