The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
