You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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