I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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