shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
