.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
