he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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