And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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