How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
