so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
