I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
