Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
