My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
