Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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