Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
