I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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