Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
