Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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