Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
