Actions speak louder than pants.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
