idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
