I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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