Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize