So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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