how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
