all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
