She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
