You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize